What are funeral wishes, and how do you write them down? Funeral wishes are your personal preferences about how you would like to be remembered and what you would like to happen after your death. Writing them down can help your family make decisions with greater confidence during an emotional time.
Your wishes do not need to be complicated. Even simple guidance about the type of service you would like, music you love, or whether you prefer flowers or donations can provide comfort and clarity for the people making arrangements.
Why should you write down your funeral wishes?
When someone passes away, family members are often faced with many decisions in a short period of time. They may know some of your preferences, but there can still be uncertainty about what you would have wanted.
Writing down your funeral wishes gives your loved ones a starting point.
It can help answer questions such as:
- Would you prefer burial or cremation?
- What type of service would feel right?
- Is there particular music or a reading you would like included?
- Would you prefer flowers, donations, or something else?
- Is there anything important you would like your family to know?
A Letter of Wishes provides a place to record these personal preferences alongside your Will.
Are funeral wishes legally binding?
Funeral wishes are generally not legally binding in the same way as instructions contained in a Will.
They are personal guidance rather than legal requirements. This means the people responsible for arranging your farewell will usually consider your wishes, but there may be practical reasons why some details cannot be followed exactly.
For example, your preferred venue may not be available, costs may need to be considered, or circumstances may change.
The purpose of recording your wishes is not to create pressure for your family. It is to give them a clearer understanding of what was important to you.
What funeral details should you include?
There is no perfect format for writing funeral wishes. The most helpful details are usually the ones that reflect your personality and what matters to you.
Some areas you may wish to include are:
Burial or cremation preferences
You may want to record whether you prefer burial or cremation.
If you prefer cremation, you could also include thoughts about what you would like to happen with your ashes, such as:
- A particular location where they should be scattered
- Keeping ashes with family
- A memorial placement
- Any personal meaning behind the location
The type of service you would like
Think about the type of farewell that feels appropriate for you.
You may prefer:
- A traditional funeral service
- A smaller private gathering
- A celebration of life
- A religious or cultural ceremony
- A simple farewell without a formal service
You can also include any thoughts about the atmosphere you would like, such as whether you would prefer something quiet and reflective or something that celebrates your life and memories.
Music and readings
Music can be one of the most personal parts of a farewell.
You might include:
- Songs that have special meaning to you
- Music you would like played during the service
- Favourite artists or genres
- Poems, readings or passages you would like included
You can also explain why a particular song or reading matters to you. These small details can help your family understand the meaning behind your choices.
People who may speak
If there are certain people you would like involved, you can record their names or your thoughts.
This might include:
- Someone you would like to give a eulogy
- People who may share memories
- Family members or friends you would like acknowledged
Remember that your wishes are guidance. The people closest to you may need to make decisions based on what is possible at the time.
Flowers or donations?
Many people have a preference about whether they would like flowers at their funeral.
Some people prefer traditional flowers, while others would rather friends and family make donations to a charity or cause that mattered to them.
If you prefer donations, consider including:
- The name of the charity or organisation
- Why that cause was meaningful to you
- Any specific instructions you would like followed
This can make it easier for family members to communicate your preference.
Should funeral wishes be included in a Will?
Many people choose not to include detailed funeral wishes in their Will.
This is because a Will may not be read until after funeral arrangements need to be made. A separate Letter of Wishes can be easier for family members to access when they need guidance.
Keeping funeral preferences separate also allows you to update them more easily without changing your Will.
Keep your funeral wishes personal
There is no right or wrong way to write your funeral wishes.
Some people write only a few sentences about what matters most to them. Others provide detailed guidance about music, readings, people involved and personal preferences.
The most important thing is that your family has some understanding of what you would have wanted.
A few thoughtful notes written in your own words can provide valuable reassurance during a difficult time.