What should you say in a final message to your children? For many parents, the hardest part of preparing a Letter of Wishes is finding the words to express what their children mean to them. A final message does not need to be long or perfectly written. It simply provides a chance to share your love, memories and hopes in your own words.
A message from a parent can become something their children return to over many years. It can offer comfort, reassurance and a lasting connection.
Why write a final message to your children?
Children often know they are loved, but there are still things that may go unsaid.
A final message gives you the opportunity to share thoughts that may not fit anywhere else.
You might want your children to know:
- How proud you are of them
- What memories mean the most to you
- What qualities you admire in them
- What lessons you have learned
- What hopes you have for their future
The value of the message is not in the number of words. It is in the personal meaning behind them.
What should you include in a message to your children?
There is no right format for writing a letter to your children. The most meaningful messages usually come from speaking honestly and personally.
Some ideas to consider include:
Tell them you love them
A simple expression of love can be one of the most important things you leave behind.
You might write about:
- How much joy they brought into your life
- Moments when you felt proud of them
- The ways they changed your life
- What you hope they always remember
Even if your children already know they are loved, hearing those words in your own voice can be incredibly meaningful.
Share your favourite memories
Children often treasure stories about their childhood and family life.
Consider including memories such as:
- Special family holidays
- Everyday moments that made you smile
- Milestones you were proud to witness
- Funny moments you still remember
- Challenges you overcame together
Small memories are often the ones that feel most personal.
Tell them what you admire about them
A final message can be a chance to reflect on the person your child has become.
You might share things you appreciate about:
- Their kindness
- Their determination
- Their sense of humour
- Their generosity
- Their ability to overcome challenges
Specific examples are often more meaningful than general compliments.
Instead of saying "I am proud of you", consider explaining why.
Share the lessons you have learned
Many parents want to leave their children with guidance for the future.
This does not need to be a list of instructions. The most valuable advice is often personal and based on your own experiences.
You may want to share thoughts about:
- What truly matters in life
- The importance of relationships
- Finding happiness and balance
- Learning from mistakes
- Being kind to others
- Making time for the people you love
Your children may not remember every detail, but they may remember the values behind your words.
Offer reassurance
Some children may carry questions or worries after losing a parent.
A final message can provide reassurance and remind them of what you would want them to know.
You might want to say:
- They were loved
- They made you proud
- They do not need to carry guilt or regret
- You hope they continue living a happy and meaningful life
A message of reassurance can be especially comforting during grief.
Should you write different messages for each child?
This depends on your family and your preferences.
Some parents write one message addressed to all their children. Others write separate messages because each relationship is unique.
Individual messages can allow you to acknowledge:
- Special memories you share
- Their individual strengths
- Personal experiences you have had together
- The hopes you have specifically for them
There is no requirement to make each message the same length or style.
Should you include difficult topics?
A final message is a personal document, and everyone's circumstances are different.
Some people choose to address difficult topics, explain decisions or acknowledge complicated parts of life. Others prefer to focus only on love, memories and encouragement.
If there are important decisions explained elsewhere in your Letter of Wishes, such as why you have chosen certain gifts or arrangements, you can provide that context separately.
The most important consideration is how your words may help your children when they read them.
Where should you keep a final message?
Many people include personal messages as part of their Letter of Wishes.
This keeps important thoughts and wishes together with other personal guidance, such as:
- Funeral preferences
- Messages for other loved ones
- Care wishes for pets or dependants
- Explanations behind decisions
- Practical information for family
Some people also choose to keep a separate handwritten letter or personal note.
Whatever approach you choose, make sure your family knows it exists and where it can be found.
Write from the heart
The most meaningful final messages are not the ones with the most impressive words. They are the ones that feel genuine.
Your children are not looking for a perfect letter. They are looking for a piece of you.
A few honest words about your love, your memories and your hopes for them can become one of the most treasured things you leave behind.