How can you plan for a dependent family member in a Letter of Wishes? If someone relies on you for care, support or guidance, it is natural to want to make sure they continue to be looked after in the way you would hope.
A Will can provide important legal instructions, but a Letter of Wishes allows you to share the personal details that help others understand your wishes, routines and the things that matter most.
What is a dependent family member?
A dependent family member is someone who relies on you for ongoing care, support or assistance.
This could include:
- A child who requires additional support
- An adult child with care needs
- An elderly parent you help support
- A family member who relies on you financially or practically
- Someone who depends on you for daily routines or decision-making support
Every situation is different. The most useful information to leave behind is the information that only you know.
Why include care wishes in a Letter of Wishes?
When someone has been closely involved in caring for another person, they often hold a lot of knowledge that is not written anywhere.
This may include:
- Daily routines
- Personal preferences
- Communication needs
- Important relationships
- Things that provide comfort
- Approaches that work well
A Letter of Wishes gives you a place to share this knowledge with the people who may need to step into a caring role.
It helps provide context beyond the legal arrangements in your Will.
What information should you include?
The details you include will depend on the person and their circumstances.
Some areas to consider include:
Daily routines and preferences
Small details can make a big difference when someone is adjusting to a change in care.
You may wish to include information about:
- Typical daily routines
- Preferred activities
- Food preferences
- Sleep routines
- Hobbies and interests
- Important personal habits
For someone who depends on familiarity and routine, these details can provide reassurance.
Communication and support needs
Every person communicates and receives support differently.
Consider recording:
- How they prefer to communicate
- Things that help them feel comfortable
- Situations they find challenging
- Approaches that work well
- Important people who understand their needs
The aim is to help others understand the person, not just their practical needs.
Important relationships
People who provide support often know which relationships matter most.
You may want to include information about:
- Important family members or friends
- Trusted support people
- People who have a positive influence
- Communities or groups they are connected with
Maintaining meaningful relationships can be an important part of ongoing care.
Personal preferences and things that bring comfort
You may know things that help the person feel safe, happy and understood.
This could include:
- Favourite activities
- Important possessions
- Favourite places
- Special traditions
- Things they enjoy talking about
These details may seem small, but they can help someone continue living a familiar and meaningful life.
Financial and practical considerations
Depending on the circumstances, you may wish to provide guidance about practical matters.
This could include:
- Important expenses
- Useful contacts
- Support services
- Regular appointments
- Important documents
- Where relevant information is stored
Avoid including sensitive information such as passwords or full account details. Instead, explain where secure information can be found.
Explain your hopes for their future
A Letter of Wishes can also include your hopes and values.
You may want to share thoughts about:
- The type of care you hope they receive
- Important values you would like respected
- Activities or experiences you hope they continue enjoying
- The people you hope remain involved in their life
These personal insights can help guide future decisions.
Should you include instructions in a Letter of Wishes?
A Letter of Wishes is different from a legal document. It is generally intended as guidance rather than a set of binding instructions.
The wording you use can reflect this.
Instead of focusing only on what someone "must" do, you may prefer to explain:
- What has worked well in the past
- What matters most to you
- What you hope others will consider
This approach gives people the benefit of your knowledge while allowing them to respond to changing circumstances.
How specific should you be?
Some people worry about writing too much or too little.
A useful approach is to focus on the information that would be difficult for someone else to know.
Ask yourself:
- What do I understand about this person that others may not?
- What routines help them feel comfortable?
- What would I want someone new to their care to know?
- What would reassure me if I could not explain it myself?
The most valuable information is often the personal detail behind the situation.
Review your wishes as circumstances change
Care needs can change over time.
It is worth reviewing your Letter of Wishes after important changes, such as:
- Changes in health or support needs
- New carers or support arrangements
- Changes in relationships
- Moving house
- Changes to your Will
Keeping your information current helps ensure it remains useful.
Leaving guidance for the people who matter most
Planning for a dependent family member is about more than practical arrangements. It is about sharing the knowledge, understanding and care that you have built over time.
A Letter of Wishes provides a place to record those personal details so that the people supporting your loved one have a better understanding of what matters most.